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Oct 8
Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML
High-Res ->8 notes
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Oct 8
Today, I found out the people I babysit for have a nanny cam. Problem is, when I’m in there I use to act out scenarios in which I have the sweetest boyfriend. I also say his parts out loud in a man voice. FML
High-Res ->11 notes
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Sep 29
30 notes
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Sep 26
Today, my credit card got blocked. Apparently, my bank thinks buying a $130 flat iron online is suspicious. FML
High-Res ->35 notes
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Sep 25
Today, after months of grueling training, countless early mornings, I finally began the race I had been preparing for the past year, only to slip and break my leg in the first 450 meters. FML
High-Res ->10 notes
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Sep 25
Today, my wife told me the main reason she married me is because I have a cool last name. FML
High-Res ->7 notes
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Sep 25
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
High-Res ->16 notes
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Sep 25
Today, desperate for my boyfriend to notice me for once, I started noisily masturbating while he was playing World of Warcraft. His response was to put his headphones on. FML
High-Res ->4 notes
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Sep 25
Today, like always, my parents are such tightwads that they refused to turn the heating system on, despite the ball-freezing temperatures. I was so cold, I had to resort to warming my hands up over the toaster. FML
High-Res ->7 notes
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Sep 25
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. The whole time, he kept asking me, “Are you done yet?” Let’s just say I never got done. FML
High-Res ->9 notes
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Sep 25
Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich he started laughing hysterically. I still don’t know what was in the sandwich. FML
High-Res ->16 notes
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Sep 21
Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend moved as if to go down on me, but instead stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair before getting back up again. FML
High-Res ->6 notes
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Sep 21
Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML
High-Res ->36 notes
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Sep 18
Today, I got pulled over for distracted driving. Not for cell phone use but for nose picking and inspecting. FML
(submitted by kittenwiskers thanks!)
High-Res ->30 notes
