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Oct 8
Today, I found out the people I babysit for have a nanny cam. Problem is, when I’m in there I use to act out scenarios in which I have the sweetest boyfriend. I also say his parts out loud in a man voice. FML
High-Res ->11 notes
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Sep 29
30 notes
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Sep 25
Today, after months of grueling training, countless early mornings, I finally began the race I had been preparing for the past year, only to slip and break my leg in the first 450 meters. FML
High-Res ->10 notes
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Sep 25
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
High-Res ->16 notes
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Sep 17
20 notes
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Sep 17
Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying “that’s what she said” after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML
High-Res ->17 notes
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Sep 10
Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I’ve been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she’s “better than that other slut, or it’s over between us.” I’ve been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML
High-Res ->11 notes
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Sep 10
Today, I found out that all the everyday Spanish words and phrases my boyfriend has been teaching me have very vulgar meanings. I found this out after I said a few to our waitress. FML
High-Res ->35 notes
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Sep 10
Today, desperate after a very painful breakup, I poured my heart and soul out to my old teddy bear. When I finished, I asked what he would do in my situation. Right on cue, a gust of wind came through the window and sent him falling off the windowsill and crashing head-first onto the floor. FML
High-Res ->15 notes
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Sep 8
Today, I heard on a TV show that it’s possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can’t removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital as a result. FML
High-Res ->10 notes
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Sep 7
Today, I went to Victoria’s Secret to buy a bra. A woman sized me and then gave me a bra to try on in the fitting room. To my pleasure, it seemed to fit well. The woman who had sized me came in to check on me and replied, “Yeah, it happens. Not everyone can be symmetrical.” FML
High-Res ->3 notes
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Sep 4
Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, “Please don’t get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance.” FML
High-Res ->2 notes
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Sep 4
Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty, when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, “Tell your friend you’re going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here.” from his dad. Apparently, I’m not good enough to feed. FML
High-Res ->11 notes
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Sep 1
Today, after using the bar of soap in the shower to wash my face, I looked down and noticed it was covered in my husband’s pubes. FML
i couldnt decide which was funnier, so you’re getting two for this one!
lets have a vote, which is funnier?
23 notes
