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Oct 8
Today, I found out the people I babysit for have a nanny cam. Problem is, when I’m in there I use to act out scenarios in which I have the sweetest boyfriend. I also say his parts out loud in a man voice. FML
High-Res ->11 notes
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Sep 29
30 notes
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Sep 25
Today, after months of grueling training, countless early mornings, I finally began the race I had been preparing for the past year, only to slip and break my leg in the first 450 meters. FML
High-Res ->10 notes
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Sep 25
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
High-Res ->16 notes
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Sep 17
20 notes
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Sep 17
Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying “that’s what she said” after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML
High-Res ->17 notes
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Sep 10
Today, I found out that all the everyday Spanish words and phrases my boyfriend has been teaching me have very vulgar meanings. I found this out after I said a few to our waitress. FML
High-Res ->35 notes
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Sep 10
Today, desperate after a very painful breakup, I poured my heart and soul out to my old teddy bear. When I finished, I asked what he would do in my situation. Right on cue, a gust of wind came through the window and sent him falling off the windowsill and crashing head-first onto the floor. FML
High-Res ->15 notes
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Sep 8
Today, I heard on a TV show that it’s possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can’t removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital as a result. FML
High-Res ->10 notes
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Sep 1
Today, after using the bar of soap in the shower to wash my face, I looked down and noticed it was covered in my husband’s pubes. FML
i couldnt decide which was funnier, so you’re getting two for this one!
lets have a vote, which is funnier?
23 notes
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Aug 19
Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren’t many options for me to eat because I’m a vegetarian, I shouted, “I like really big balls!” in front of my entire family. FML
(submitted by prettyflyforatumblrkid thanks!)
High-Res ->14 notes
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Aug 18
Today, while at my boyfriend’s house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, “Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!” FML
High-Res ->11 notes
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Aug 13
Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML
High-Res ->17 notes
