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Aug 22
Today, while at my boxing gym, an old man came inside and did the oddest drunk dance in order to serenade me. I’m a fighter and fine with taking punches to the face, but froze in terror at the sight of this. FML
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Aug 5
Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML
(submitted by highhopes-velvetropes thanks!)
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Jul 3
Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a “worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell.” FML
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Jun 11
Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, “Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom.” FML
High-Res ->80 notes
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Jun 1
Today, I can’t get “wax on, wax off” out of my head. It’s what my boyfriend said as he rubbed my nipples trying to be “intimate” with me last night. FML
(submitted by highhopes-velvetropes thanks!)
High-Res ->36 notes
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May 28
Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. The only problem is we’re both straight males. FML
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